The Story Behind ‘The Last Year’

I believe my screenplay and film The Last Year has much to say to anyone willing to watch it with an open mind. Yes, it definitely is a low-budget film with a few “rough edges.” But for those of you who are not totally stoned on films with million-dollar budgets and can look past a few on-screen stumbles, the movie offers much to feel, ponder, and dwell upon. Love it or hate it, the film’s effect on you will last long after you see the last of the end credits.

Especially, I wrote The Last Year for those who have journeyed the long, difficult road of trying to be both gay and Christian, in an environment that is hostile, homophobic, and lacking in understanding. Those of us who have “been there” know that just a simple act of honesty (regardless of Bible “interpretations” or personal theology) can result in becoming an outcast, from friends, family, school, job, and even spouses and children. I have known many who ended up living empty lives, being on drugs or alcohol, and one who even committed suicide.

How the Tale Begins

The story of The Last Year began long before I wrote it in late 1995. The idea began kicking around inside my head during the late 1960s, when I attended my first “Christian School.” I never thought of writing anything about the experience then, of course, but the ideas were taking root. I grew up in a conservative Republican family in the South, and we were all traditional, Bible-oriented folks. Fundamentalist Protestantism was like water and air to us, so universal and ever-present, we never questioned its presence or realized how much it shaped our lives.

During my college days in Nashville, in the early 1970s, I rebelled and joined the “sixties” culture. Soon afterward, I married and had a son. The necessities of family life forced us to leave the counterculture, so my wife and I joined the march of so many young Baby Boomer families, back to our “roots.” For us, it meant back to fundamentalism (my wife had the same background) and yes, the closet for me. Of course, I had known since my junior high days that I was gay and even took some tentative “coming out” steps in the sixties. But in those days, everybody told me I could “change,” that it was a sixties phase, and I believed them for a while.

Moving On to Christian Colleges, Questionings & Beyond

So, armed with my newly found “faith,” I attended Evangel College in Springfield, Missouri, then Wheaton College in Wheaton, Illinois (near Chicago), both “Christian” schools. Along the way, my marriage fell apart, and my wife and I went our separate ways. Subsequently, I began questioning everything in my life. For certain, my efforts at remaining closeted were taking their toll.

During my last year at Wheaton, I had my first gay love affair, and the changes in my thinking became complete. I had stepped out of the closet for good, including the prison of fundamentalism. When my lover and I left Wheaton, I knew I was leaving more that just a place. Afterward, we stayed together for many years, a time of great change in my life.

Eventually, I moved to Los Angeles and settled down. I lived there quietly for more than 20 years. Meanwhile, after I turned my back on Wheaton and during the 1980s, my former religious compatriots underwent a startling metamorphosis. When I was a part of the movement, we were just a bunch of isolated “fundies.” Before my eyes, these same folks became a political movement dubbed “The Religious Right” by the press.

Uneasily, I watched these developments with quiet forebodings. Those of us who used to live in that right-wing culture know firsthand how much those people absolutely hate gays and lesbians. They are well-meaning in their intentions, for sure, but caught up all too much in a tidal wave of collective bigotry and prejudice. Over the years, my thoughts on spirituality and who I am changed so much, I quietly buried my memories of those conservative schools and my closeted past. More than anything else, I wanted to forget the pain of trying to hide my real self and putting up with the constant, virulent homophobia of that parochial world.

A New Organization & New Stirrings Within

I was almost successful, until the day a couple of years ago, when I heard about an interesting event. Some people were forming an organization, the Wheaton College Gay and Lesbian Alumni (WCGALA), and I got on their mailing list. Paul Phillips, of the gay music group, Romanovsky and Phillips, had been a “Wheatie” (school slang for a Wheaton student) and the driving force behind this new group. I happened to be a fan of their music, and I was truly amazed to find out Paul and I shared this experience in common. WCGALA began mailing out a newsletter, so I started reading articles and letters from others who shared similar experiences to mine. Often I found myself nearly overcome with emotion. As buried experiences came back to my remembrance one by one, I A lot of folks call Wheaton the Harvard of the Religious Right. Much of the thought and rationale of that entire movement began there.

Wheaton is Billy Graham’s alma mater, and in many ways, it remains the intellectual “buckle” of the Bible belt. For those of us who attended Wheaton and were gay or lesbian, it was the best and worst of times. We remember the homophobia, yes, but also the friends and security we had to leave behind. In my life, the memories were even more poignant, because that world, of all places, was where I had my coming-out experience.

In early 1995, I took on the role of Southern California Coordinator for WCGALA (since then, this group has disbanded, and I have joined another via Yahoo). Our regional group of about a dozen people started getting together for times of sharing and reminiscing. These events accelerated my own personal “memory recovery” process.

The Last Year Takes Shape

Then one night, I had an interesting dream. I saw a young guy, college-aged, driving a small red VW bug (like one I used to have) across an autumn, Midwestern landscape. He was alone and seemed determined. I asked myself, “Where is he going?” The answer, of course, was back to Wheaton. I woke up, knowing I had to write about his story. That story, of course, was my own.

The vividness of the dream, especially the color and beauty back east during fall, made me want to see the events take place, not just put them down in words. These images had to become a film, and the idea gripped me so profoundly, I couldn’t rest until it came to life as a screenplay. The guy in the VW became the main character, Paul, and the rest of his story soon came to life. Once I had finished the work, I realized that Hollywood’s aversion to gay subject matter would prevent me from getting it known through any of the “mainstream” accepted routes.

So I put aside the normal pathways of sending scripts to agents and film companies. Instead, I set out on the independent road to getting this film produced. Since then, many others have joined with me, including a director and an actor who wants to play Paul. Eventually, the film was produced by Guardian Pictures in San Luis Obispo, California, and directed by Jeff London. As a result, The Last Year was born.

From Film to Life – Coming Full Circle

Why is there a need for this film? It proves the lie of the Religious Right’s cliché that they “hate the sin and love the sinner.” If anything, they hate us, as gay and lesbian people, even more than sin. And most of all they despise those of us “queers” who sojourn in their midst. We are (or were) deceivers, outsiders wearing and profaning the cloak of the elect. If they could, they would condemn us to the lowest level of hell. We are the obvious and unavoidable signs that homosexuality comes from “us,” all of us, and not just “them.”

In many ways, The Last Year is autobiographical, but only to a certain extent. I have changed many of the names and circumstances for dramatic or protective reasons. I was older than Paul while at Wheaton and Evangel. Eastmont College is not Wheaton but actually a composite of three Christian schools I attended. Ken, my romantic opposite while at Wheaton, was not a fellow student but rather a young townie, a part of the college crowd. I was lucky enough to keep my love a secret and graduate, though I had many friends who were not so fortunate and had their lives destroyed or nearly so. Yes, the tragic suicide did happen, but differently and some time later, after I graduated.

Still, the main thrust of this story is true and its theme universal. The human heart and nature will always rebel against tyranny because its tendency toward fascism is spiritually diseased and inhuman. This statement remains true, whether fascism masquerades as the “big lies” of a single despot or as “sincere” religious righteousness. Unfortunately, a revolution against such inhumanity brings out the worst, as well as the best, that is in us. But I believe that, in the long run, freedom, compassion, personal loyalty, and above all, truth will prevail.

I’m not trying to sell a DVD here, but my film is available for you to view. You can rent it through NetFlix or whatever. For more information, check out Wolfe Video at their website. I encourage you to see my film and, if you want, let me know what you think. Thanks!!!